We used to have a history teacher in high school, an old guy with Coke bottle glasses and pants that hovered a good inch above his ankles. One of his favorite topics was talking about the Great Depression. He’d sit on the edge of his desk and say, “I remember when you could buy a hamburger for a…nickel!”
We would roll our eyes. A nickel? Oh, please. That sounded like something old people made up just to sound like they were forged in the fire of tougher times. We may have nodded politely, but in our heads, we were thinking, “Sure, Gramps. Now tell us about the time you saw your first horseless carriage.”
Unfortunately, now I believe that I’ve reached that stage in my life. I’ve officially become the guy who says things like, “Gas used to be 79 cents a gallon” or, “When I was a kid, there wasn’t any internet. We used a World Book Encyclopedia.” And just like that old teacher, I see this generation giving me that “Wow, you’re old” smirk, though they try to hide it. Quite poorly, I might add.
It hits you gradually. First, you realize you don’t know any of the artists on the Grammy Awards. Then you begin telling people you remember when “Saturday Night Live” used to be funny. And eventually, you reach the Oldie Trinity:
- You start making involuntary noises when you get up.
- You tell the same stories more than once, sometimes in the same conversation.
- Most of your discussions concern doctors’ appointments and current medical afflictions.
And there’s the phone. Growing up, a telephone was a device attached to a wall, and if it rang during dinner, your dad would say, “They’ll call back.” Now, phones are glued to everyone’s hands. And heaven forbid you call someone under the age of 30. You’ll get a text two hours later that says, “Did you butt call me?”
Friday nights used to mean going to the video store, pacing the aisles, and eventually renting the same movie you’d already seen five times. Now, thousands of movies are just a click away, and yet we still say, “There’s nothing to watch.”
And we actually listened to music. We sat around a turntable and not only played the entire album, but read the liner notes. We knew who played bass, and who wrote the lyrics. Now, kids skim through songs like they’re flipping through a drive-thru menu. Oh, and menus have gone digital, too. Just scan the QR code, if you even know what that is.
I know. I sound like my dad, and his dad before him. That’s the way it goes. Every generation has their “nickel hamburger” moment – a mental bookmark where they say, “Things were better then,” or at least, “Things made more sense.”
But here’s the truth I’ve come to accept: It’s not about prices, or technology, or even nostalgia. It’s about time. The older you get, the more you realize it goes by in a blur. One day, you’re riding your bike without a helmet and drinking from the garden hose. Turn around, and you’re complaining about traffic, trying to remember your passwords, and having your spouse call your phone to help you find it. Again.
I’m not bitter. I’ve made peace with the fact that the world has moved on from my version of it. I’m just surprised how fast I became like the people on the Progressive Insurance ads, oblivious to the fact that while the kids around me politely nod, they’re checking their phones under the table.
And to the next generation, the ones who’ll eventually be telling their kids about the good ol’ days of TikTok influencers and Starbucks latte. Enjoy the ride while it lasts. In no time, you’ll be at the grocery store, see the price of eggs, and begin muttering about how back in your day, they were only $6 a dozen.
And the teenager next to you will smirk, while fiddling with some gadget you can’t even operate.
And the world will keep turning.
Joe Hobby is a standup comedian, a syndicated columnist, and a long-time writer for Jay Leno. He’s a member of Cullman Electric Cooperative and is very happy now that he can use Sprout from his little place on Smith Lake. Contact him at [email protected].
